It’s 4 am and I’m not really sure why I’m on tumblr. I slept over/cuddled with one of my best friends till 2 or 3 am, then came back to my room and smoked a little bit. I know I should really cut down on my smoking during my week off and get some work done, but I always say that and rarely end up actually cutting back. It should probably bother me more, but it doesn’t. When I signed into tumblr I saw that you posted a sad text post a few days ago. It made me sad; in a way I still hate you but I wish you were happy. Deep down you’re a good person and it hurts me to see you struggle. I hope you find the love that you need, even if it feels like you threw mine away for bad reasons. I need to reflect on some things over this week off and figure out how to change a few things for the second half of my semester. I need to start putting in more hours on my thesis, I should try to be sober a little more, and most importantly I need to figure out how to have fun with school. This is my senior year, I shouldn’t be feeling depressed on and off and counting down the days until I graduate. I need to make the best out of this year, and so far I don’t think I’ve done a great job of that. I think any type of romantic relationship would push my life in a healthier direction, but I guess it’s not good to depend on someone else to be happy either. I’m not sure what the future holds or what I should want it to hold, but I gotta make the rest of this year great. For now, it’s 4:15 in the morning, I’ve rambled enough, and it’s time to get some sleep before I start any soul searching.
